What if there’s a better way to communicate?

Have you ever walked away from a conversation thinking, Why did that go so badly?

Maybe you found yourself reacting instead of responding or rescuing instead of really listening or getting frustrated when all you wanted was connection.

You’re not alone. Many of us were never taught how to communicate in empowering, sustainable ways. Often, we repeat the patterns we saw growing up — survival-based habits that don’t always serve us or the people we care about.

When I spoke with Kristi McVee recently on her podcast (due out in July), we discussed how the phrase “just talk to your kids” isn’t as simple as it seems. This is especially true for those who were never taught how to communicate with empowerment, clarity, and respect.

If you come from a family affected by abuse and trauma, it can be especially challenging to feel like you’re “getting it right” in your interpersonal relationships. It’s important to be kind to yourself and recognise the following: (a) we are often dealing with generations of role modelling how to communicate that have been passed down to us; (b) you are not alone; and (c) things don’t always have to be this way.

There are effective tools, guides, visuals, and frameworks that I found helpful in becoming a conscious communicator in my life and at work. You can do it too!

This is where frameworks like The Empowerment Dynamic (TED*®) can change everything.

TED*® offers a simple map to shift out of the stress-based cycles most of us fall into — known as the Drama Triangle — and into more conscious, empowering ways of interacting.

Instead of:

• Feeling like life is happening to you (Victim),
  you shift to becoming a Creator of your life.

Rather than:

• Jumping in to save others (Rescuer),
  you become a Coach, supporting without rescuing.

Let go of:

• Reacting or blaming (Persecutor),
  and you become a Challenger, helping others grow with respect.

These are not labels: the one shown in brackets is a role we play, a default reaction in times of stress, and the other is a conscious skill. They are available to us all, or in us all, the healthy conscious skills can be relearned; they just take practice.

Are you curious about how to move beyond reactive, drama-filled conversations?

These conversations can happen at home, at work, or within yourself, and they are exhausting! I invite you to take a first look at the simple, powerful shifts TED*® offers.

You can view or download this free one-page From DDT to TED*® overview PDF here.

I wanted to follow up on the second handout I mentioned during my conversation with Kristi. It is a resource written by Dr. Elly Hanson for the NSPCC, titled “Understanding and Responding to Sibling Sexual Harm and Abuse: A Research Review and Analysis.” At the end of this post you will find the link to the downloadable PDF on the NSPCC Learning website. If you are short for reading time, here is a one-page summary of key insights I gathered from the full document, some of which I shared with Kristi during our call.

If you’re ready to go deeper, explore our coaching and training programs designed to help individuals, families, and teams build the empowered communication skills that ripple out into stronger, safer, more connected communities.

Take care,

Susan