A Blue Borage Reflection on Dignity, Boundaries and the Quiet Shift Toward Wholeness
Once we understand the sideways movements that appear in strained families and workplaces, self-compassion and confidence rises. We stop assuming the discomfort is our fault. We see the pattern for what it is. From there, we gain the space to choose.
This is where insight becomes practice.
Where TED* and the 3 Vital Questions move from ideas into lived experience.
Below are some of the easiest ways I see people interrupt old patterns and reclaim dignity, even in systems that feel tangled.
1. Naming the pattern quietly
Sometimes the first step is simply acknowledging what is happening.
‘No, this is not about me. This is the system reacting to stress.’
This softens the urge to blame ourselves. It allows us to pause and choose an empowering response rather than react.
2. Returning to the Creator within
When tension rises, old survival roles pull at us. Our inner Creator energy brings us back to clarity.
- What outcome matters to me?
- What is mine to hold?
- What choice supports my wellbeing?
Even one of these questions can settle the nervous system.
3. Letting our Inner Challenger speak with respect
Challenger energy is not aggression. It is truth spoken with dignity and with the intent of learning, not appearing better than someone else. It might sound like:
‘I hear your worry, and my truth still matters.’ ‘You (we) can learn from this experience.’ Or ‘This conversation is important. Can we slow the pace a little?’
This kind of challenge invites growth rather than conflict.
4. Offering Coach energy inward first
Before we support others, we can support ourselves.
- What do I need right now?
- What would help me feel grounded?
- What is the next small step?
The tone we use with ourselves shapes everything.
5. Boundaries that honour connection
Boundaries do not have to be walls. They can be acts of compassion.
‘I care for you, and I need to step back from this topic.’ OR ‘I won’t join conversations that harm people who are not present.’
These are ways of staying in relationship without abandoning ourselves.
6. Recognising the humanity beneath the struggle
Sideways reactions do not come from malice. They come from unspoken fear, shame and overwhelm.
Seeing this clearly does not excuse harm, yet it allows compassion and boundaries to sit side by side.
7. Asking, ‘What’s possible now?’
This simple question interrupts the pull of the Drama Triangle. It invites movement, however small.
‘What support do I have?’ and ‘What step honours who I want to be here?’
These shifts ripple gently outward. People feel it.
8. The quiet influence of choosing differently
When even one person steps into Creator, Challenger or Coach, the atmosphere changes.
A room feels like fresh air has entered.
A conversation slows down.
Someone’s shoulders drop, another breathes more easily.
Change often begins with one person who decides not to follow the old script.
As you continue this work, I hope that you trust the quiet strength within you. May you lean into your Creator, speak with your Challenger and soothe with your Coach.
Old patterns lose their power when we meet them with clarity and choice.
This is the final blog for 2025. I wish you a peaceful and restful holiday season. I hope to see you in 2026 at one of our Conversation Cafe events or any of our workshops and programs.
Thank you for being here,
Susan
A note from Susan:
Over the coming weeks I’ll be gathering these reflections into a small eBook that brings the full series together, along with practical tools for daily life. If you’d like to receive it when it’s released, and if you haven’t already done so, subscribe to receive our monthly newsletter. The next is due out in early January and will include the eBook for our community.
My next 3VQ® training season begins in February, so if this work speaks to you, feel free to reach out about those offerings as well. Find out more about what we offer here.
About Susan
I am a trauma-aware facilitator, coach, 3VQ® trainer and founder of Blue Borage. My work supports individuals and organisations to move from drama to clarity, and from fear to conscious choice.