By Susan Dunlop, Founder of Blue Borage
When I was eight years old, my life’s path was altered by someone who had no right to do such a thing. I knew what he was asking was wrong, so I ran. But I stayed silent, out of fear that I would get into trouble. In that moment my abuser knew that he had found the perfect prey.
That moment — and the years of harm and even longer years of silent shame, guilt and self-blame that followed — is where my story begins.
But it is not where it ends.
Earlier this month, I had the honour of presenting a digital poster session at the 2025 International Childhood Trauma Conference in Melbourne.
It was a big moment. Not just for me personally — but for all survivors of what is known as the hidden taboo, or even the last taboo, a topic still too often excluded from mainstream conversations about child protection, family systems, and trauma recovery.
This blog shares the heart of what I presented.
The Hidden Harm of Sibling Sexual Trauma and Abuse
SSTA fractures families in ways few are prepared to understand, let alone address.
In my own experience, the abuse was just one part of the story. The deeper impact lived in the in-between:
– The hours of silence
– The misplaced trust in adults who didn’t know how to respond
– The absence of tools to make sense of it all
This kind of trauma — when not named, validated, or supported — leaves survivors isolated and families paralysed. It becomes the elephant in the room. And over time, the silence becomes its own form of harm.
The Shift: From Drama Roles to Conscious Choice
For much of my life, I lived in unconscious roles. Victim. Persecutor. Rescuer. I now understand these through the lens of The Drama Triangle — survival roles we unconsciously fall into when trauma runs the show.
The turning point came when I discovered The Empowerment Dynamic® and The 3 Vital Questions®. These weren’t just theories. They were practical, trauma-aware tools that helped me move from reacting to creating.
They helped me pause and notice:
“What am I believing here?
What’s the outcome I truly want?
How do I want to show up?”
Today, I use these frameworks not only in my healing — but in how I communicate with family, mentor others, and create brave spaces like the Blue Borage Conversation Café.
Why This Presentation Mattered
Bringing this work to ICTC 2025 wasn’t just about visibility.
It was about planting a seed for practical hope. Not vague optimism. Hope that comes from understanding, from tools, and from speaking the hard truths in rooms where they’ve long been avoided.
The poster itself captured this journey through five key moments:
- The Hook – The moment that changed everything.
- The Hidden Harm – Beyond the abuse itself.
- The Turning Point – Recognising survival roles.
- The Tools – Introducing TED*® and 3VQ®.
- The Call to Action – Ending the silence together.
I am not sharing the poster in this blog however am happy to present it again to your audience, at a conference or within your university, school or community organisation.
What Comes Next
I’m continuing to build on my vision to no longer remain silenced, shrouded in the shame and stigma that society unfortunately prefers survivors to live under. I have released a new series of that helps us continue to practice an empowered conversation, titled the From Reacting to Rising series — a live, guided program using the very tools that helped me reclaim agency after trauma. You can now book this as a full 6-session series, or attend individual sessions that resonate.
🌀 Learn more or register via blueborage.com.au/from-reacting-to-rising
Let’s Keep Talking
If anything here resonated, please don’t sit in silence.
Reach out. Share this post. Invite someone you know into the conversation.
Because every time we speak of what was once unspeakable, we break the cycle — one brave, conscious step at a time.
With care,
Susan
Founder & Lead Facilitator
BlueBorage.com.au